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March 16, 2013
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The Puffin Crusher by jflaxman The Puffin Crusher by jflaxman
The inhabitants of Amnesia and Myopia have loathed each other for generations, but this has never led to war. Neither country has an army with combat experience or is willing to acquire one owing to the risks involved. At times, however, each has tried to gain an advantage over the other through more subtle economic means.

One such notorious case began when the Myopian Aerial Polyp Commander, Skymarshal Dodoriguez, hatched a bold plan to starve the Amnesians into submission. His reasoning was simple enough: no seabirds would mean no guano and with no guano to use as fertiliser the enemy’s agriculture would fail. His superiors approved and gave him the funds to pursue his grand scheme. Six weeks later he took to the skies on a seat slung beneath the Polyprolapsid, the most terrifying bio-weapon Myopia had ever seen.

At first all seemed to go as planned. The Polyprolapsid’s pheromones attracted flocks of puffins which it strangled with its tentacles. But one thing had been overlooked. The Skymarshal had trained his creation to hunt using Myopian puffins, which it now attacked exclusively, while Amnesian puffins stayed well away.

Dodoriguez knew nothing of this and prided himself on his seeming success. He ventured further out to sea and boasted, on his rare returns, that he would soon defeat the Amnesians singlehandedly. His mistake was noted only when Myopian birdwatchers recorded lower than average numbers of puffins and proportionately smaller guano deposits. At first they blamed Amnesian agents, but when no such villains could be found they looked for culprits closer to home.

While Dodoriguez continued his war against the dwindling puffin flocks his fellow Myopian officers frantically searched the skies for him. It was no easy task, as none of their other aerial polyps could keep up with the Polyprolapsid and none of their naval vessels could venture very far from land. When the crew of one patrol boat finally found and signalled him, ordering him to cease operations, he dismissed it as an Amnesian trick. More vessels soon arrived on the scene, including the pride of the Myopian fleet, the six-ton steamer Thunderfish, which carried lots of fireworks. When further attempts to reason with the Skymarshal failed the Myopians reluctantly realised they would have to stop him by force.

A rocket from the Thunderfish scored a direct hit on the Polyprolapsid, which exploded like a garbage bag filled with putrefying cream. Skymarshal Dodoriguez was miraculously pulled unharmed from the shark-infested sea, though his elaborate uniform was ruined. That year’s harvest was smaller than average due to a shortage of fertiliser, but the deficit was covered with produce bought in secret from a sympathetic Amnesian source. The Myopian puffin population soon recovered from the incident, but Skymarshal Dodoriguez was retired to a villa where he drives ghostwriters to near despair with his greatly embellished and as yet unfinished memoirs.
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leppakakaklifoth Oct 2, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
excellent work
wdnest Jul 6, 2013  Professional Writer
luodan Jul 1, 2013  Professional General Artist
JTHMFrAeK Apr 16, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Hilarious story, man. You've got a knack for wacky.
viergacht Apr 3, 2013  Professional General Artist
This was very enjoyable - you really ought to put a book out some time.
Thanks heaps! I've been trying to get away from more formulaic genre art as there's so much of it online. I also enjoy this stuff a lot more as there's more scope for creativity.

The book suggestion's welcome, though I'd have a lot of unrelated stories and images to fit together and I'm not sure how to go about it. Your own work for "Clan Ground" has me reconsidering an old plan to illustrate "Struwwelpeter," a 19th century German text that would compliment my more humourous style.
viergacht Apr 11, 2013  Professional General Artist
I was thinking of something like the book Harlan Ellison and Jacek Yerka did, where each image had a little accompanying story, but the stories were independent from each other (except you'd both write and illustrate). I think something like that is far more interesting and engaging than a book that's just a collection of images, or images with "Oh yeah, I painted this when I was going through a divore" little commentary. You definitely have the chops to make something amazing.
What can I say I like it
I don't even
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